An Attempt to Slow Down

With some unexpected stolen time on a Saturday night, I take a deep breath and reflect on what has happened since my last post. So much! As a junior, I expected life to calm down a little bit; now that I've been in college for two years, I'm supposed to have gotten the hang of this, right? Nope. This year I have taken on 5 new piano students, as well as quite a few more piano accompanying responsibilities, on top of my 17 credit hours and HeartSong. Not to mention my new-school-year's resolution to be more intentional about getting to know the people on my HeartSong team and other close people in my life.

Where to begin? Labor Day weekend was our first weekend out. Saturday we went shopping for team outfits (colors: black, white, and teal) and had some great rehearsal time. Sunday we performed at Grace Baptist Church for the Labor Day celebration; that Sunday was also my birthday, and I was so glad to spend it doing what I love. We had a bit more rehearsing that day as well.

The weekend after that was our traditional HeartSong Retreat in Brownsburg, IN. Thinking back to my Brownsburg experience last year, I was so excited to find this year to be so much better! We spent a TON of time rehearsing and learned a lot of old and new songs as a new team. During our big group sessions, the HeartSong staff--Jim, Alise, Matt, and Brandon--shared their life maps with us. It was really cool for all of us to hear their stories and to get to know them better through that; that they showed us that they were willing to open up with us was a huge encouragement for us to be open and comfortable with them. Saturday night, after a fun time at Dave & Buster's, we had about an hour of team time. HS Green 11-12 spent that hour sitting on couches and reflecting on the weekend, talking about our team and how we relate to each other. We spent some time talking about our "vision" for our team this year and this summer.

All weekend I was amazed and encouraged by the amount of respect our team members have for each other. We get serious when it's time to get serious, but we are also hilarious in the van! I feel so much love and respect from my team already; the entire team vibe is so different from what I experienced last year at Brownsburg, and immediately I was able to open up to them and share what God had been teaching me in the past week. I came back from that retreat hoping to write a more detailed blog, but unfortunately homework took priority.

One week later, everything turned upside-down for me. After returning from Brownsburg, my life was going 90 miles an hour non-stop, and even the weekend didn't bring any rest as I traveled to Grove City to visit my sister at college for the first time. Monday night I was ready to settle in to our team's rehearsal and learn some more music. But God had some other plans; Jim sat us down and told us that Dani was leaving our team. Because she's going to grad school, she has to take some classes over the summer. Our team and Orange team got shifted as Abby from Orange moved to Green, and Hannah, a brand new HeartSong member, was put on Orange. So our night Monday night was talking with Jim and Dani about how God had worked all of this out, and also meeting up with Orange Team to connect with Abby and Hannah. I was feeling pretty content with the way God was moving in the whole switch-up until I got back to my dorm and turned on my computer; my desktop picture was from Brownsburg, of our team. That's when it hit me; all my excitement about traveling with Dani was shattered, and all my efforts from the past week to keep my head above water culminated in that moment, and I broke down.

For the rest of the week I tried not to dwell on it because thinking about that was keeping me from focusing on work. I was getting excited to travel with Abby and step into a new role of the only returning female, and I kept praying for Dani, trying not to imagine what she was going through after the difficult decision she has made. Friday morning during chapel, the sophomore class chaplain Joel led all of us in an alter call, and in that moment I jumped up, ran to the front of the chapel, and fell to my knees, pouring out everything to God. Everything over the past two weeks that I had pursued before I had pursued God, I laid at His feet in prayer and asked for a new heart, for a love that can only come from Him. I left chapel renewed and relieved, overjoyed by the knowledge that my sins had been forgiven, and prepared to live a life of worship.

Which brings me to tonight. This afternoon I put on my new dress and piled into Grant's car with Dane, Dexter, and Will to go together to Tommy's wedding. After spending a summer with these crazy guys, the entire evening brought back a whole slew of memories of a summer that changed my life. I cherish last summer, but God has given me excitement for a completely different experience this year. Although in the same place, I'll be on a new team with even newer members who have a vision to love one another and bring glory to God. I am so excited to see what else God has in store for all of us!

~Deanna