#HSGreen

Now that another amazing week of camp is over, instead of talking about the week day by day, I think I’ll talk about my team, person by person. Each person on my team is so special to me and so vital to our team in a different way. I want to talk about them all individually and praise God for them. And what better time to do that than right now, as we spend our weekend off together and get some much-needed rest to propel us into the next leg of summer tour.

I’ll start with TLC: Team Leader Colin. Colin is super organized and always on top of things. He is concerned for our team and always makes sure we know everything we need to know. He does a lot for our team as far as organization, but is also willing to delegate things that he knows he can’t do himself and that may be better suited for someone else. We tease him a lot for his organization and his concern for perfection; in our team video blog last week, there is a segment that shows Colin in deep concentration with Dave commenting on him being in the “TLC Zone.” But it is for this attention to detail that we love him and appreciate him.

Next comes Ashtyn. She is one of the most outgoing and fun people you will ever see on stage. A motto for our ministry on HeartSong is “Impress from a distance, impact up close.” And while Ashtyn is great at both of these things, her strongpoint is impressing from a distance, or stage presence. She always has just the right thing to say to get the junior high and high school kids pumped up, and she is in her element when she is leading a camp of kids in crazy camp songs. She is also awesome at running the big group games, like “Gorilla-Man-Gun” or the dice-stacking game. Campers look up to her as an awesome inspiration on stage.

On the other side of this motto is Abby. She is also great at both, but her strongpoint is impacting up close. When she is talking with one or two campers or people in a host home, she has a visible interest in people, always asking them questions and getting them talking about their lives. She is a natural at this! She is in her element when she is with a handful of people, doing a craft or eating a meal and sharing life with them. When people see her, they remember those conversations and are full of joy because they know her.

When I think of David, I can’t help but smile. He is always the person who makes me laugh on our team! His style of humor, though, is very uplifting and light. Instead of making fun of other people for a laugh, he will make fun of himself; he is one of the humblest people I know. When people think of David, they remember a playful and fun person who they love to talk with and watch onstage. As one junior high girl said, “I like the guy who jumps around with his shoes off!” Dave is a bit crazy, and he may not always “wear his shoes,” but people love him for it.

One of the greatest friends a person could have is Caleb. I didn’t get to know him very well during the year, but in watching him interact with campers and staff, I am beginning to see what an awesome friend he can be. When Caleb sees someone who needs a friend, or when a person tells him of a need, he is always right there. Whether it’s teaching a junior high camper about the drums or hanging out with the guys on support staff, when Caleb finds a person he can relate to, he will not hold back.

Our worship leader, Isaac, has the makings of a future pastor, because he is really, really observant. He is always watching people and asking questions, and because of this he always knows just what to say or do to encourage people. He is a very down-to-earth person who knows himself and is very conscientious about other people. Everyone who talks to me about Isaac notices this about him, and they know that when they talk with him there is nothing they can hide, but at the same time there is nothing they need to hide because he is so honest and encouraging.

And finally, there’s Dane. Dane is my brother, the one person on my team that I always feel like I am related to. He loves teasing me and is always up for a battle of wits. He also will ask me the tough questions, holding me accountable in my relationship with God. He knows me so well from spending two years touring with me, and he knows EXACTLY what to say to me when I am stressed to get me to calm down. I am so thankful that he is on my team again and that I share so many memories with him, and I will miss him so much when the summer is done and he moves on to life after college.

As for me, I just love working with juniors. But I am so proud of the way that my team interacts with the juniors, too! I have noticed this year that in junior chapel, they are all really engaged in the songs. They don’t see junior chapel as a burden, as an obligation to check off the list, but as another opportunity to have fun worshipping with kids. I am so, so, SO thankful that this team finds the same joy that I find in hearing the juniors sing.

Well, now it’s time for me to write my teammates encouragement cards; I’ll probably write most of these same things. I want them all to know how special they are to me and how thankful I am for them. May all my praise for them be praise to God and the glorious way He brought us together last August, and may all the glory we may get this summer be sent straight to Him.

Soli Deo Gloria!

~Deanna

Waves of Mercy, Waves of Grace

As Week 2 of our Lake Ann Summer is in full swing, it’s about time for me to talk about Week 1.

Last Monday, campers finally arrived at Lake Ann! We were all so excited for the chance to finally reach out to these awesome students of many different ages. I spent the morning greeting campers as they got out of buses and vans and cars and the afternoon moseying around to different camp activities, like the Handicraft barn (and the local post office to mail “official HeartSong stuff” to my boss). In the evening, we were all so excited for our first three chapels! And junior chapel went so well, just as I had remembered it. As you’ll see, leading campers of this age in music is one of my favorite things about my job.

Tuesday was our first day of six chapels. Junior chapel was amazing, once again, because I decided to change the motions for one of the junior songs back to the “Lake Ann Style” motions, and lots of the counselors got really excited to help teach them! The campers really loved the song, too, and we all had a blast hearing them sing. I also got to work in the Snack Shack again! Of course, I missed Anjela and Elisha, but I’m excited to work with Joe and Eric and also spend time with Amanda, my roommate for the summer, who works at the coffee shop in the Red Canoe.

Wednesday and Thursday I spent a lot of time outside, and somehow missed entire sections of my skin while applying sunscreen, so ended up with an awkward sunburn. But that’s okay, because Wednesday I got to help with the ZORBS again!! The program director runs it differently than last year’s; he jumps in with two feet and does a lot of the work to get the Zorb back up the hill so the counselors have less work to do. Ashtyn, Abby, and I helped with the pushing and filling up the Zorb with air and filling/dumping buckets of water. I was excited that Abby and Ashtyn both got to experience what I had essentially done every Wednesday last summer, and they both loved it as much as I did. Thursday, I went to the Lavinrac (Carnival spelled backwards) that the junior high puts on for the juniors. The unofficial rules says that you cannot be at the Lavinrac without getting wet… I should have worn my bathing suit. But it was still a ton of fun, and chapel that night was amazing as always (especially junior chapel).

So here comes the Story of the Week. Friday night we discovered there was a huge schedule conflict that put the Junior Chapel and huge combined chapel at the same time. The program director told me that they would work something else out for the juniors and that we shouldn’t worry about it. HECK NO!! I could NOT sit back and let this happen; all those juniors were so excited to sing all their favorite songs that night (which is how I had organized the song schedule) and I knew that they would be so sad if we weren’t there. I spent the next half-hour before combined chapel trying to work it out for someone to start early or late or rearrange the order of chapel… I talked to so many people about how we could work this out. Finally, the program director for the juniors found a way to rearrange their chapel service so the speaker would speak first and then we would come in late and play the music. By then, there was so much confusion that I decided it would be better if just I went, in case the timing wasn’t quite right and I couldn’t make it back in time for the final song of combined chapel. So I found Cole, Dexter’s brother who is on support staff at Lake Ann, and gave him the binder of songs for the juniors and told him to grab a guitar. Our full band played combined chapel, then during the message Cole and I ran over to play for junior chapel, then ran back just in time for the final song of combined chapel! What a crazy way God worked out that timing! And those juniors… they sang their hearts out like you wouldn’t believe. All the counselors came up front to help us lead motions, and they had so much energy and joy. The campers’ faces lit up as each song was announced, and they sang louder than they had all week. “Waves of mercy, waves of grace…O, my God, this love, how can it be?” As the juniors sang, I prayed and thanked God for His love and His waves of mercy and grace. And as the rest of camp sang “Give Me Faith” at the close of combined chapel, they sang just as loud. Oh, what a pleasing sound it is in our Lord’s ears to hear His children sing out praise to Him! No matter what the age or the song; it is a sweet, sweet sound in His ear. Thank You God for hearing our praise and being glorified in it!

Saturday, after our morning staff meeting, we went to our weekend church. We set up and had dinner with the pastor, then came back to camp since there was a host-home mix-up. Which was another wonderful testimony to God’s timing, because this just so happened to be the weekend that Josh proposed to Stephanie!! I got to be there when they got back to camp and see the ring and give Stephanie a huge hug!

Sunday was INCREDIBLE as well! We played the main service and youth service (so almost all our songs), and afterwards had a huge picnic with the church. We all spread out and talked to people of all sorts of ages and backgrounds. The pastor kept telling us what a blessing we had been to those people, but we kept saying that we were the ones who were blessed! The best churches are the places where we can build each other up, where fellowship is a blessing to both sides and God is glorified in every person. We went back to camp after that, set up, and then went back to Traverse City for dinner and fun hanging out on the beach. It was great to spend some time as a team since Ashtyn will be gone next weekend for her sister’s wedding. We took a team picture, mimicking the team picture we had taken at Freeze Out in the snow.

The title “Waves of Mercy, Waves of Grace” is much more than the lyrics of a junior song. God has given me so much mercy, getting rid of the bad in me that I don’t deserve to have taken away, and He has given me so much grace, giving me blessing after blessing after blessing that I don’t deserve. I am so in awe of how much He loves me. How can it be? God’s grace is so unexplainable and unorthodox; it is sometimes hard to believe that it is true. The only right response is worship. I praise God for every good thing He gave me last week that I didn’t deserve, for His waves of mercy and waves of grace.

Until next time, Soli Deo Gloria!!

~Deanna

Sweet Jesus Christ, My Sanity!

At this morning’s church, Pastor Joe picked that line out of our song “Mystery” when he gave the benediction after our full program. He reminded us all that in this crazy world, Jesus is the only One who can give us sanity. What a great thought to have as I begin writing this blog post about the most INSANE week I’ve had in over a month!

Last Sunday night, we finally arrived at Lake Ann Camp!! We moved our stuff into cabins with the other counselors and then set up our equipment… until we realized that in the chaos of trying to find the trusses to take with us, we forgot that we also needed to bring the projectors, and screen, and all the extra pieces we needed to set up the trussing system!! Jim called Colin with a plan, and the next morning Caleb and Dane left to meet Jim halfway-ish to get everything from him. But we got all our other stuff set up just in time for the counselors to get out of their meeting; my good friends Trisha and Kelsey came running into the chapel and gave me huge hugs! Soon after I saw my future roommate Stephanie, along with all the other familiar faces from last year. We joined the staff for their night hike and got to see the starry night sky. Let me tell you, stars anywhere else cannot compare to stars at Lake Ann. We also got to see Saturn through Brandon’s telescope!

On Monday and Tuesday, our team alternated between rehearsing music and joining the counselors for Facilitator Training for the Initiatives Course. It was great to reconnect with old counselors and meet new counselors through that whole process; we hung out with them during free time and participated in the Initiatives Course with them. It was also awesome to rehearse music and write some new intros; we borrowed a few musical ideas from other artists and combined them with our favorite songs to create an entirely different flavor. We played a new game I like to call “How Many Genres Can We Use In ‘Romans 16:19’ At One Time?” and also combined the theme from Coldplay’s song “Charlie Brown” with our song “Set Free,” and when we recorded it we labeled it “Set Charlie Brown Free!” (unfortunately we can’t share that recording with anyone for copyright reasons).

There was a time back in the fall when Dane and I were in the van talking about all the things we wanted to do this summer, and one of them was seeing the Horse Whisperer Demonstration that all the high school campers get to see. We always missed it last summer because of our chapel schedule, and we missed it training week because Tommy wanted to rehearse (he actually just hates horses). I remember Dane screaming, “Colin! We have to see the Horse Whisperer!” and the strange look we got in the rearview mirror from our TL. Over time we explained to him what it was, and when we found out that they would be doing it again this summer, we made a point to see it during training week this year. So on Wednesday afternoon we joined the counselors on the bus to Casa del Sol Ranch and met horse trainers Mark and Kae. Their unique way of training horses focuses on a horse’s natural behaviors and building trust in the human rider as opposed to actual vigorous training. They brought out 4 horses and showed us the different ways that they behave and respond to Mark’s voice and actions. Afterwards we debriefed in groups, drawing out the spiritual implications and talking about how the relationship between Mark and the horses is like the relationship God has with us. It was so powerful, and I was so happy I finally got to see it.

Now you’re probably thinking that the week is winding down at this point… NOPE! We left Thursday morning for the Mighty Pine River for the counselor Fresh Start Trip. For them, it is 3 days of rafting and hardcore camping, a time to bond with each other and practice for when they will take their own campers on this trip. We went along with them, but only for 2 of the days so we could get some rest in for this weekend. I am definitely NOT the type of person who likes camping; I like my running water and flushing toilet. But for only 2 days, it was actually a pretty fun trip. We were separated into different rafts and got to know our groups really well as we asked each other questions and got stuck on and under tree branches and rocks. It was a cool time for me to get to know a couple of the girls that I didn’t know before, one of which was Kayla who goes to the same school my sister goes to. We got into a really long conversation about how following Christ looks much different in a Christian environment as opposed to a non-Christian environment. The other great thing about the trip was the food! Who knew how delicious and filling Good Ole Raisins and Peanuts (Gorp) could be?

On Friday night we got in the van to leave after dinner, and then realized it was already 9:30! After over 24 hours without our cell phones and watches, we were totally psychologically thrown off as far as time goes. It was SO REFRESHING to be free from being a slave to the clock and to my phone, to enter into a new culture, so to speak, and focus on one step at a time without a concept of time. The best part about the trip was the Solo Time after we got off the river on Friday. I think they said it was a couple hours long. We spread out all around the campground and chapel area and got to just read our Bibles and journal and think and pray, with absolutely no distraction except the beauty around us. I loved being able to journal about things that were going on with me spiritually and then study a part of Philippians (that by God’s design applied EXACTLY to what I had just been writing about) and finally pray for my team, the LA staff, the other HeartSong teams, my friends and family back home, and myself. After that we had dinner, and then our team left. When we got back to Lake Ann, it was dark enough for a Team Bonfire. By this time Abby, Ashtyn, and I had moved into our Koas for the summer, which surround a cute little fire pit that’s perfect for team times. This was the first time all week we had been able to focus on our “team health,” so to speak, discussing what has been going on and where we can go from here as far as our ministry goes. We went over the first chapter of our team devotional study and prayed for each other. By the time we were done, it was so late that we didn’t really get much sleep before we had to get up to pack our trailer and leave for our weekend church.

We arrived at First Baptist Church of Okemos, MI on Saturday afternoon, and I immediately recognized it from last summer! It was neat to see a lot of familiar faces (and try to remember names). We ate dinner, hung out, and played for the youth group on Saturday night; we also had a few prospective students from the area come to visit and see us play! And even though it was a small group, they were super responsive; we even had one kid attempt to crowd surf during “Go!”

This morning was another great time of worship with the church congregation. They loved singing along with us, especially during “We Will Glorify”; during that song I pulled out my earbud to listen to the congregation sing along. We met a lot of really cool people who loved our music. Plus, our friend Heidi, who was on Red Team last year, came to visit and see us play! It was so cool to see her again and catch up a little bit. While we were tearing down, the pastor’s kids (3 young children adopted from China) all wanted to help us with EVERYTHING! They made tearing down slow but fun. Afterwards, we all went out to a Chinese buffet for lunch (I had a déjà vu moment from last year) before hopping on the van to go back to LA.

And so here I am again, in the van on a Sunday afternoon, reflecting back on all the crazy things that happened in only a week! For most of these things I could go into a lot more detail, but then this post would be too long for you to want to read. It’s like what John said at the end of his book: “Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written” (John 21:25). God has already worked in my life in ways that are too incredible and intricate for me to talk about in just one blog post, not to mention the ways He’s worked in the lives of my teammates and everyone we’ve met. Here’s to tomorrow, to the start of the first week for campers and the start of a whole new week of indescribable works of our Lord!

Until the next inadequate post, Soli Deo Gloria!

~Deanna

One Blessing After Another

I’m writing this from the van on our way up to Lake Ann. No words could describe how excited we all are to be back for the entire summer! Last week was filled with anticipation and preparation as we got ready for summer, and this weekend’s church ministry has been one of the greatest ways to kick off a summer of tour.

Last Wednesday I came to Cedarville early to get certified to drive a university van. Soon after that, I was reunited with my awesome team and we got started with our first day of rehearsing. We had a great dinner with all our parents that night before we said goodbye. Thursday morning we woke up, had breakfast and a meeting with Jim, and kept on rehearsing. I also was given the responsibility of finances (again) and was so excited to find out how much easier my job would be this year with the new iPad and Square credit card readers! Later that night each of the 4 summer teams played a set for each other so we could hear each other play and share some encouragement/advice with each other.

Every year, it is a tradition for HeartSong to go for a midnight walk in the woods. Usually we go in October, but this year it rained almost every Wednesday in the fall, so it was postponed to this past Thursday. It was more adventurous this year as half of us got off the path and were lost for a few minutes until Jim broke his “no flashlight” rule to find us. Needless to say, the spiritual implications were very easy to find. We ended the night by singing and praying under the stars and then having a bonfire with s’mores. When we got back to campus, Dexter and I stayed up for another half-hour talking about God, our teams, and prayer requests. It was an incredible night.

Friday we learned how to facilitate games before we broke off to do our individual jobs. We did everything we needed to get done to prep for tour, including going over junior music and writing a new intro for “O Happy Day.” We all went to the Cousers’ house for dinner and backyard games in the evening; it was a great time to relax and hang out with everyone before leaving for tour. When we got back to campus, we packed up EVERYTHING before going to bed. The next morning, after a quick breakfast, picture, and goodbye, HeartSong Green Team left Cedarville for a summer in Michigan!

We arrived at First Baptist Church of Marysville, MI in the afternoon. We set up and ran a couple of songs before we went to Pastor Chris’ house for dinner. While we were there, we met all of our host families. I was so excited to find out I would be staying with a family with a 9-year-old girl who was taking piano lessons. After dinner, we headed back to the church for our Saturday night youth event. We played a full set of music intermixed with our Cedarville video and some of the games we learned on Friday, including “A Little Dicey” where the kids stack dice on top of the end of a popsicle stick with the other end in their mouths. The event went really well, although by the end we were all exhausted!

But God gave me a second wind on the way to our host home. The 9-year-old was very awake and chatty and asked us all sorts of questions about things we were interested in. We started talking all about piano, and by the time we got home she was ready to show me her piano and play a little for me. We ended up playing 2 or 3 duets together from her method books! I was having a ball, I could tell she was having a ball, and out of the corner of my eye I saw her mom smiling ear to ear. I slept so well that night and woke up to French toast before we headed to the church.

This morning we played another full set of music, this time including our favorite hymns instead of games. :) Everyone there was genuinely excited to see us and loved our music, and that made all of us even more excited to be there! We loved talking to everyone beforehand and afterwards. When everyone had left, we had pizza with a couple of the pastors and their families. Our host families left all of us bags of goodies, and the pastor was so generous in giving us whatever we needed (including filling up our gas tank!). We left the church feeling so blessed and full of joy.

And now we are approximately 4 hours away from Lake Ann Camp! I’m sitting in the front seat with Dane; for the first 15 minutes of the drive we were bouncing off the walls until he pointed out that we were wasting energy and should save our excitement for when we get to the town. So here I sit attempting to suppress my excitement for another 3.5 hours or so while I reflect on how blessed our team has been. Throughout the year, and in the past 2 days, our weekend tours have been a blessing for us, encouraging our faith as we have tried to encourage others. I am praying that throughout the summer we can always remember how much God has blessed us so that we can be a blessing and spread love to others.

Until next time, Soli Deo Gloria!

~Deanna

Galatians 5:13

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

Whether In Word or Deed

My goal for the summer is to update my blog every week. So I thought I’d start with the week before tour starts to get the ball rolling! In a few short days I head back to Cedarville to begin HeartSong training. This blog post is about the past month, 4 consecutive weeks where I’ve had nothing to keep me busy and overloaded. It has been so restful and insightful, and it has prepared me for this summer very well.

This first section is called: “Crafts Deanna Makes When She Has Free Time.” I started by making 14 or so friendship bracelets to give to friends this summer. I made bracelets for my mom, my best friend Mary, and a couple of camp people (that I’ll see in only a week!). I also made 8 different bracelets for all of the girls on HeartSong based on their favorite colors (I think I tweeted a picture of them earlier this month). Which leads into what I did next: I took after Katie and made goodie bags for all of the girls touring this summer! What’s in the bags, and what the bags look like, will remain a surprise for now, but putting them all together was one of the most fun things I did this month. When I was done with those, I started writing more encouragement cards to different friends at home and that I’ll see on tour. Then, in between cards, I decided I needed to do something about all of my old Camp Carl T-shirts that I haven’t worn in a year. So I made a blanket out of them. After a couple of setbacks, I figured it all out, and now it’s on my bed (pictures to come on Twitter). It is one of the most fun projects I’ve made, especially since I didn’t expect to get it done this month.

Next we come to “What Deanna Reads When No One Tells Her What To Read!” First, I finished up Colossians and part of 1 Samuel (the life of David). I also read all three of the Hunger Games books, only because this summer I’m sure to run into many campers who have also read them. My strategy is always to be able to relate to the campers as much as possible (this is why I learned the dances to High School Musical and the Hoedown Throw-down a few years back…). Finally, I’m currently in the middle of Radical by David Platt and Crazy Love by Francis Chan, hoping to finish them before I leave for tour Wednesday. This summer I want to read through 2 Samuel and all of David’s Psalms, and I’m also bringing Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge (courtesy of Katie) and Forgotten God by Francis Chan on tour with me; we’ll see if I have time to get through both of them!

Now I’ll talk about “Places Deanna Went.” Although church is sort of a given, I count it because it was so fun to be home and to play piano at church. Our worship pastor gave the regular piano player and the worship band the whole month off, and the two of us and a bass player led the congregation in hymns all month. I didn’t realize I’d be doing that until I got home, and I think it was so fun that I got to give everyone a break after they had worked really hard all year, coming in extra early on Sundays because that’s the only time that works for everyone to rehearse. I also went to choir rehearsals to accompany, which Matt said was a huge help to him, too, and today when the choir and full band played one more time before the “summer season,” I got to be a part of it. So fun!

I also took a road trip to Indiana with my mom! It’s not very often I get to say that; I think this may be the first time we’ve taken a trip together besides her taking me to college. Mom’s best friend lives near Indianapolis, and her best friend’s daughter Alyssa is rooming with my old roommate Rachel next year, who lives about an hour away. Alyssa, Rachel and I met up for breakfast halfway between towns. It was the first time I had seen Rachel in person since last December!! It was so nice to have some time with her in person to give and get hugs and enjoy sharing food. I also got to see my good friend Susannah again, since she lives about a half-hour away from Alyssa. I was the first time I’d seen her away from Lake Ann or Cedarville (where she usually visits me), and she was so excited to see me in her hometown! We had an awesome time, as we always do when we’re together.

Okay, next comes the greatest section: “What God Has Been Teaching Me.” The first thing I learned is that I am never in a position to make a decision about something important unless I have spent enough time in prayer about it and have approval from enough trusted Christian mentors. After being very dry spiritually for a while, I was in great need of guidance from the Spirit; I said no to something that I wanted to do, but after a lot of prayer I knew that my mentors were right. Secondly, as I continued to fill myself with God’s word, I began to learn AGAIN that my life should never be about me; it should be about serving others and bringing glory to God’s name. I am only truly happy when I am fully surrendered to God’s will: to be a servant to others for the glory of His name.

Thirdly, I learned about the power of a good conversation. Sometimes a good conversation with a friend can bring you both closer to God. When I talked with Susannah, we shared what we had been going through and what we believed God had for our futures. We prayed for each other and grew closer together, also growing closer to God as we surrendered our futures to Him. I also got to talk to Dexter on the phone a few days after he got back from a missions trip to Haiti. I just sat and listened for about 45 minutes, and by hearing what God was teaching him, God was teaching me what kind of faith I needed for Him to use me to move mountains. I told Dex what God had been teaching me, too, and hearing him get excited about it got me even more excited about it! Lastly, I’ve been talking to my friend Rachel Lowrance over Skype, continuing a Bible study we started last semester. Having more free time to focus on the study has given us both a better understanding of what the author meant and what God means to show us through the study.

But the biggest conversation I had was with my uncle, who is a missionary home on furlough. I wanted to talk to him about how he stared as a missionary, what opportunities he thought I would have as a musician in missions. He knows me very well (he is an expert at stalking me on Facebook) and knew what kind of questions to ask me. After asking him a bunch of questions, he started asking ME questions, trying to get a sense of what kind of ministry I would want to be involved in and what I’d be best at. Long story short, when we got to the topic of teaching music at a missionary school, we both started getting excited! He was excited because he knew that teachers in missionary schools (for children of missionaries) were hard to come by, and the schools were often short-staffed, making the need very great. I was excited because I knew that this was something I would love doing: ministering to kids whose lives were about ministry, discipling them and serving them and their parents, not to mention using my pedagogy degree and incorporating my love for music. Frederick Buechner said, “God’s will is where our greatest passion meets the world’s greatest need.” For the first time, I got really EXCITED about the idea of being a missionary, because I knew that I could use my passion to meet a great need for a lot of people. Ever since, I’ve been praying about this possibility, for God to give me the right direction at the right time, and that I can trust Him to take me where He wants me.

Finally—and I’ll close with this—God taught me that He loves me and wishes to spend every minute with me. He wants to be at the center of attention, and life is best that way. When our lives are about His glory and not our own, what we do is suddenly not as important as the One we give credit to. Life becomes simpler because our many goals change into one goal: the glory of God. That is the attitude I want to go into this summer with; I want to serve everyone I meet, to live life to God’s glory.

Colossians 3:15-17

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Soli Deo Gloria!

~Deanna

Learning to Breathe

Quite a bit of time has gone by since my last update. 2 weekends out and 1 CD release later, here I sit at home after the most insane semester of my life, remembering what it's like to breathe. Reliving those weekends will be different now than they would have been a couple days after, but I’ll try my best.

At the end of February we travelled to West Virginia for what Dane and I call our “Déjà Vu Tour.” We went to the same two churches we ministered to the last weekend of February in 2011! It was cool to see everyone again and to make some new memories, including an intense game of Catchphrase and an even more intense game of 4-on-a-Couch on Saturday night. We got back late Sunday night after our evening service, and when I woke up Monday morning I was relieved to remember that the next weekend was Spring Break.

At team rehearsal the week after break we shared our life maps. I was so excited to be able to learn more about my team and share about me. Last year we didn’t share our life maps until right before summer tour, and it was a little overdue. Knowing where a person has come from changes how you see them and lets you relate to them in a different way. A couple weeks after we shared, I had an awesome conversation with Isaac as we talked about our life maps a little more and how our views of each other changed after hearing about our backgrounds. I was so glad we shared our life maps when we did.

But the next week I got really nervous when Chris (the drummer from the Scioto Hills retreat) showed up at our rehearsal and Caleb was nowhere to be seen. Jim told us that Caleb wouldn’t be travelling with us that weekend and that Chris was filling in, and that’s all the explanation I got. I was really upset for a couple of days, especially since this weekend we were travelling to my home church, now without our whole team. It took me talking to Colin, then talking to Jim, then sleeping on it for the third night, for me to finally be at peace about the whole thing. Of all the people to replace the irreplaceable Caleb, Chris was the best choice (especially since we took the trussing system that Chris is an expert at setting up). I put my head up and got ready for what would become my favorite weekend out of my entire touring career.

I like to say it started when Rachel Valarik, an old teammate of mine, texted me asking if I wanted to go for a walk. Rachel is married now and it’s so hard to find time when we’re both free and Taylor’s busy so we can hang out, so I jumped on it. We took a walk with her dog Max around campus and then got some ice cream before it started pouring rain!! It was nice to finally have a clear head and talk through some things with her; I have always looked up to her as a more experienced teammate, and it’s good to hear her opinion. With soaking shoes and a rather wet shirt, I drop my suitcase at the loading dock and run to my final class.

When I got back, all the guys had surprised Colin by loading the entire trailer! We were so excited that we might get an early start when Dane went to check the equipment room. He came back and said, “Deanna, are we bringing your keyboards?” We both started laughing hysterically when we realized we almost forgot my instrument!! What’s even funnier is that this semester we have already left one of Caleb’s drums one weekend and David’s guitar another weekend. We were able to creatively work both of those out (reprogramming drums, borrowing guitars), but it would have been much more difficult to find another TWO keyboards to borrow! I told Dane we should have just left them and I could have played on the real piano at the church. He scowled at me jokingly.

We started in Hillsboro, Ohio at a youth retreat. We set up the trussing, learning from the experts (Colin and Chris) and trying to remember everything, since we were going to need to do it all this summer. The first session went really well! We were all full of energy and pumped to be there. After the session, it was time for church-v-church dodgeball. It didn’t take long for it to become very clear who on our team is more competitive than others… :) Soon after we went to our host homes while the kids spent the night at the church. The girls stayed with a family whose daughter goes to Cedarville and was home for the weekend. It was cool getting to know Rachel and being able to reconnect with her at school for dinner a couple weeks later. I love it when I can connect with someone on tour and then reconnect with that person later. It makes the impact much more lasting.

Jim arrived the next day, just in time for our first session. The speaker was very energetic and said some things that raised some eyebrows. Now, it’s good to see Jim anytime we’re on tour, but for the first time I was SO HAPPY that he was there to talk us through the speaker’s message after the session was over. We talked about what he said and how we should react. Later on when I interacted with the speaker, I put exactly what Jim said into practice instead of doing what I originally thought I was going to do. And for the first time I directly applied something Jim taught us moments after he taught us. That is the best kind of learning; having an opportunity moments later to apply what you just learned. I was beyond thankful for Jim’s being there, and it changed the way I learn from him.

After the last session (ended a lot later than we thought), we speedily tore everything down and loaded the trailer. We didn’t get to our next church until after dinnertime, but since they had had an event late at the church, we couldn’t set up until after dinner anyway. So we went straight to our host home… my house!! My whole team already had met my parents, but they finally got to meet my sister (who is the same age as most of them, believe it or not) and see my house. I got to see Matt, our music pastor, and his wife Kellie, and then I got to hold their new Leap Day baby girl before they had to go home. After dinner, Matt, Dad, Alena, and my team went to the church to set up. It was so crazy to see the stage I’m so used to ministering on every Sunday I’m home, now occupied with the familiar HeartSong stage setup I’m so used to ministering with on dozens of different stages. After set-up, we came back to my house for dessert. I was so happy that the entire team could stay at my house!

Sunday morning was a great morning for us. It was awesome for me to show my church family what I do when I’m not home playing for the summer and to worship with my church family and my HeartSong family. It was also great to hear my pastor speak; it was so Biblically sound and very solid, and it so refreshing to hear. Unfortunately we were out of time and had to cut my favorite song, but all in all it was a great morning.

Look at how long this blog post is so far! But guess what? The crazy part hasn’t even happened yet! We were eating lunch at my church, talking to Jim and our pastor and my family, when Colin looks at the clock and says, “Guys, we gotta go!” We tear down all our equipment and pack it into the trailer in record time (literally, it only took us 30 minutes), and Colin and Dane hop in Jim’s car and head out while we all pile into the van. Now, we had backed into the grass to get the trailer loaded. The wet, muddy grass. And Chris is driving; apparently he is notorious for getting the trailer stuck. So we start up the van, and the tires start spinning, but we’re not moving. It takes us a full hour to get unstuck, finally enlisting the help of the pastor’s father-in-law and his big truck (much similar to the way we got unstuck over Fall Break). The good thing that came out of this was that I got to observe how each person responded to conflict and finally pin my music pastor as an S (shut down emotions) and the church pastor as a D (fight). Chris confirmed his ‘I’ tendency to avoid conflict when after about the 7^th try to get unstuck he said, “Well, anyone want a blow pop?”

By now, we were so late! We miraculously did not get a speeding ticket on our way to Bellefontaine, finally arriving an hour before the service started. Then we SET UP in 30 minutes, another record time! As I sat in a pew in the back trying to refocus, Jim asked me if we had the notebook of songs for the deaf ministry. I almost laughed out loud; 2 weeks ago, Hayden from Blue Team and I had updated the deaf ministry notebook with all our new songs, and as we were finishing up he said, “Now, we’ll probably never need these; in four years of touring, I’ve never needed it.” I pulled out our notebook from the team leader bag and put the songs in order for the interpreter. I texted Hayden later with a smile.

This church was Ashtyn’s old church, and I saw in her eyes the same excitement I was feeling that morning. It is so cool to be able to minister to the people you love in your favorite way. After the service, we leisurely tore down before heading over to Ashtyn’s house for a later dinner. As we headed back to Cedarville, we passed by a police car that had just pulled someone over. Colin, who was on the phone with another team leader, said, “Yeah, Jim is preoccupied at the moment, you might want to call him back in 10 minutes…”

A few weeks later Caleb was back, and we were rehearsing music as a band again. As great as it was to travel with Chris, there is something about having every person there who should be there. It’s a settling feeling, a sigh-of-relief kind of thing, like I had almost been holding my breath for the past month. It’s the same feeling I felt last weekend when I came home from school; a sigh of relief that the semester is done, that I have time now to do things I’ve been wanting to do for awhile, like spending time pursuing God and His word or making [surprises] for the HeartSong girls or updating this blog. I’m excited for this time to breathe, to reflect and prepare my heart for the amazing ministry I will have this summer.

I'm learning to breathe, I'm learning to crawl

I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall

I'm living again, awake and alive

I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Soften My Heart, Break Me Apart

What do I do with myself when I'm home for the weekend? I haven't been sitting in my dorm room on a Saturday night in 3 weeks! And, of course, the one Saturday this month when I'm NOT on tour with HeartSong, I'm writing about being on tour with HeartSong! I just can't get away, it seems.

Where to start? The first weekend in February, we travelled to Greenwood, IN to play at Southside Bible Church. It was a relatively easy-going weekend; we all stayed at the same amazing host home and got to hang out with the youth group and play dodgeball. It's amazing to me to see the way that God has shaped my team's tours this year to correspond to our personalities. After taking the DiSC Survey as a team, we found out we have no high D personalities; that is, no one makes it their highest priority to get the job done and done fast. So far, all of our tours have been very chill, with no bad time crunches or crises. Now, watch, God will probably throw us a curve-ball next weekend! But until then, I am thankful and blessed to have a God who knows us better than we know ourselves, and who knows what we need.

Then, came the chaos: Recording Week!! Our live recording event was last Friday, and all week long was packed with extra rehearsals, set-up time, and prayer. I was so busy stressing out about the performance and trying to get homework and practicing done on top of all that, that I didn't realize that I actually had a lighter week of homework than usual and had aced a Biology test I had barely studied for. God was continuing to bless me without me even acknowledging it! Thursday night during our final run-through I was so tired and frustrated to notice anything God was doing through our music. I prayed that God would soften my heart toward His work, and to help me worship Him. As I was sitting in the pew watching HeartSong play "The Anthem," I looked over and saw 6 amazing people: Chloe, Tim, Zac, Jon, Jay, and Chris. Of these 6 people, all but Jay are no longer on HeartSong. And all 6 of these people were on the HeartSong team that came to Camp Carl back in 2010; this was the team that inspired me to try out for HeartSong. Watching them smile, and get teary-eyed, and worship, was touching. Most of these people were probably wishing to be back on HeartSong, and here I was taking it for granted! God reminded me why I had joined HeartSong; true, I never planned on giving up every free minute of my time for a live recording, but my desire was to give up every minute of my summer to the ministry; to playing music, reaching out to kids, and giving glory to God through it. I remembered why I was here!

I went over to Chloe, who has become a good friend of mine, to give her a hug and to talk. I knew that all these HeartSong alums were back in town to travel for the weekend; since we were all recording, none of us could make it to Scioto Hills for the whole retreat, so some of them were going in our place. There was a small group travelling down late Friday night after the recording to fill out the rest of the band. As I talked with Chloe, I found out that their team was missing a keyboard player! Jon was planning on playing, but Chloe told me he'd much rather just sing. So what do I do? I turn into a crazy person and ask Jim if I could tag along with the others heading down after the recording. And he said yes! So I found out Thursday night that I would be travelling the next day with the team that I had always dreamed of travelling with. WHAAAAT?? I had no idea why I decided to volunteer for that, especially since all week I had been looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday. But looking back, I have no regrets.

Funny that most of the amazing things about the recording and the weekend were the events leading up to them. Friday night was absolutely amazing. After so much preparation, the night went beautifully, and to God's glory. We even repeated the last song so the crowd could be more involved! The weekend was nuts; I probably got a total of 11 hours of sleep the whole weekend, and didn't realize I needed a sleeping bag, so slept on top of my fleece comforter. But getting to know the kids and youth leaders, and staying up late talking with the team, and performing onstage with Chloe, and turning around and seeing "HEARTSONG: Generation" on the screen behind me... I was living my dream, and I'll say it again: I have no regrets.

Well, save one. Sunday morning, when I finally found cell service, I realized I had forgotten to cancel a rehearsal with a clarinetist from the weekend, and he was pretty upset. Sunday night was pretty awful as I tried to sort that out, to ask for forgiveness and double-check my schedule to make sure I wouldn't do it again. But God's grace covers a multitude of sins, and He gave my friend a heart to forgive me. How blessed am I?? I cannot even fathom how many times God has forgiven me for stupid things I've done! All week I had done stupid things, but He gave me the weekend and fulfilled my dream anyway!! I am so blessed and too thankful for words.

And last weekend I shared the stage with Chloe, Jon, Chris, Jay, Katie (who travelled on this team the year after I met them), Will (from my team last year), and Isaac (from my team this year). We sang "O Happy Day" Generation-style, dancing around in the audience during the techno-dance break. We all did all the motions for Rise and Sing, complete with jumping during the instrumental breaks (or bouncing on the drum throne, in Chris' case) and waving our instruments back and forth during the chorus. And I remembered why I was on HeartSong. Live recordings have their place, but I was made for this: for going crazy in front of a bunch of junior highers and using HeartSong as a way to impact their lives, up close.

All week long my prayer had been from the song "Give Me Faith." I needed God to soften my heart so I could worship Him and see how He was shaping my life. He blessed me with an incredible Friday and an unforgettable weekend. He has blessed me with an amazing life, and with an eternal life that will come after. What more could I ever ask for??

I need You to soften my heart, to break me apart
I need You to open my eyes to see that You're shaping my life
All I am I surrender
Give me faith to trust what You say
That You're good and Your love is great
I'm broken inside
I give you my life

The Shout of a Heart You Set Free: Freeze Out

For the first Friday night in a long, long time, I've spent the whole evening in my room relaxing and cleaning. Now my room is clean, and I've got a stack of blank cards sitting next to me, waiting for me to write encouraging words on them and send them out tomorrow. This whole entire week has been stuffed full of blessings, and there's no way I could give justice to all of them in one blog! So I'll focus on last weekend, when our team made the 8-hour drive up to Lake Ann Camp for Freeze Out 2012. One phrase that could describe the whole trip:
BEST WEEKEND OF THE SEMESTER!! And Freeze Out always is.

It all started like it normally does: at 5am Friday morning! Here we are, ready to pack into the van for a nice nap on the way up. But, Jim was coming up, too, and asked me to ride part of the way with him so we could work on building the set lists with Isaac and Grant (who spent last summer with me at Lake Ann and was tagging along from Orange Team for the weekend). As much as I love Jim, it's hard to get any sleep when he's in the car. But it worked out fine; I was so excited that I had plenty of energy anyway! Halfway through we switched around so Jim could talk to Colin, Abby, and Ashtyn, and I sat in the van behind Caleb asking "Are we there yet??" every 5 minutes! Finally, we pulled in!! I'm not used to seeing everything covered in snow, but there's no way of mistaking Lake Ann for anything else. Dane and I could barely sit still!

Before long it was time to set up! My systematic setting-up of the keyboards was interrupted several times by Colin's requests to help set up the screen and trussing. Normally, that would have been a pain. But I told Colin later that there was no other place or thing I'd rather be stressing out about than setting sound and trussing at Lake Ann. And pretty soon I had a swarm of 3 teammates all helping me run chords to my keyboard! It was a miracle I could keep them all straight. :)

Then came dinner, and then the start of the first session! I ran into SO many people I knew from the summer!! I got to see Anjela, the wonderful high school senior that worked with me in the snack shack all summer, and met almost her entire youth group. And during the mixer game, I met so many other girls and ran into a bunch more people that I knew from last year's Freeze Out! This, is why I love Freeze Out so much: we connect with junior high and high school students in an incredibly unique way. Musically, the first session was AMAZING! Then, when the music part was over, I had another surprise: Ken Rudolph, the regular speaker at Lake Ann, was walking up to the stage. I knew I'd see him eventually, but this was the first time he saw me, and he was so excited that he gave me a huge hug right there on the stage in front of everybody! It was super awkward, but really cool at the same time.

Later that night, two unusual things happened: first, Jim decided that he wanted to join the slide-across-the-ice-with-your-boots game that the rest of my team was playing, and wiped out in front of all of us! Then, he picked himself up, and insisted that he compete with Ashtyn to see who could slide the farthest... long story short, both of them ended up in the snow, and Ashtyn ended up losing a boot. I have quite an interesting boss, to say the least. The second thing that happened is a lot more profound. For the past couple of weeks, I have been searching online for overseas missions opportunities for musicians, to see if being a missionary might be in God's plan for my life. Friday night when the 3 of us girls were talking in the cabin, I mentioned this to them, and they both reacted the same way. It's hard to describe; it was sort of an approving moan, like an "mmhmm," only with a more surprised or inspired tone to it. I'll never forget it, because that sound struck a chord in my heart, and suddenly I had an intense desire to go overseas and serve God as a musician over there, in one way or another.

The next morning during my God-and-I time, I was refreshed and pumped for the day ahead! The morning session went really well; I sat with Anjela and her youth group again during the message and also sat with them at lunch. With the afternoon came the Yeti games! The Yeti games are pretty much an organized way of running and falling in the snow and throwing snowballs at each other (for some reason this is always Dane's favorite part of the weekend). At the very end, the intern had the great idea of turning HeartSong into the target for the camp-wide snowball-firing contest. I was so proud of my team for being such good sports (even if I wasn't).

I had dinner with the LA staff before the evening session, which was a great flashback to the summer and anticipation for this next summer. This session was Ken's salvation message, which is always so good and moves kids to want to know Christ or to know Him more. There was a bit of time between the message and the HeartSong concert, so I took advantage of that time to talk to Ken and his wife Jinner about Europe. Oh, I forgot to mention that Ken and Jinner are starting a camp ministry over in Kusel, Germany! I had been wanting to talk to them all day about their work over there, when they felt called to go, and what kind of things I could do over there as a musician. That talk was very encouraging! Turns out there are so many more opportunities than I thought! It definitely gave me something to keep praying about.

The concert went really well; we introduced a few new songs and also played some classics from the summer (we didn't play Romans 16:19, but don't worry; Anjela and I got a bunch of her friends to sing it with us before the evening session started!). But the most amazing part was after the concert, when Anjela came running over to me with her friend in tow, telling me her friend had something to tell me. When I asked her what it was, her friend said, "I got saved tonight." YES!! THIS is what HeartSong and Lake Ann are all about; introducing Christ to the campers and seeing them choose to serve Him with their lives. I was so excited and grabbed every team member I could find to tell them the awesome news!

I know this post is getting long, but there are so many stories! Here's the next one: you may remember the girl I met last year who I latched onto for the weekend. Well, she was there this year, too, and somehow I passed by her several times and didn't even see her! Finally, when I did see her on Saturday night, I felt so bad for missing her that I committed to eating breakfast with her and sitting by her for the final session Sunday morning. And I did just that. If there's one thing I regret from this weekend, it was that I somehow missed this wonderful girl who was just a little to shy to say anything to me about last year. But I was glad for the time I could have with her; as small as it was, it was a meaningful part of the weekend for me.

After the last session, we reluctantly tore down our sound equipment and piled into the fan to leave. We said farewell to Lake Ann, but only for a few months! On the way home, we went around the van and shared our roses and thorns (one great thing and one not-so-great thing from the weekend). For most of us, the thorn was having to leave!

Looking back now, I'm remembering standing on the stage at Lake Ann. It was the place I stood all summer playing the keyboard, and this time I was back, surrounded by 6 new on-stage team members. It was a little weird at first, but it was so good to be back, and I felt so warm inside and so thankful every single minute I was standing on that stage. Literally, every minute, I could not stop thanking God. From stressing about trussing to getting pelted with snowballs, from hearing the Rudolphs talk about Europe to hearing a girl say she got saved, I could not stop thanking God. He gives me the indescribable and unexplainable grace that I need to live every day, and to lift up the shout of a heart He set free.

Grace, Grace, God's Grace

"I was talking to a friend the other day about you. We were amazed at how you manage to juggle everything you do! From being a music major to accompanying and HeartSong, how do you do it?" This is what a friend of mine said to me sometime early December, when I was my busiest. Never before in my life has someone said this about me; I have always been the one amazed at other people for being involved in so much and managing to keep their heads above water. Looking back at this semester, I am amazed at myself! How in the world did I do it?

There are two ways to answer this. One is positive: because of the grace of God, because He provided me with so many things I did not deserve and the energy and strength to conquer all the things that in my human folly I committed to doing, I was able to emerge at the end of the semester with a successful junior recital and a 3.7 GPA. Because of the mercy of other people, of my professors and my friends, I was able to get by.

The other way to answer this question has a negative spin, and it's the way I answered my friend when she asked. I survived this semester by putting only a mediocre effort into everything I did, by barely getting by with my HeartSong and accompanying responsibilities, by sacrificing my time of rest and my time with God. As I talked with my friend, I began to realize that spiritually, I was in the worst place I had ever been. I felt far from God and far from His pleasure, knowing that He had faded into the background of my life. All the "selfless" things I did were driven by selfish motives, not motivated by the grace God had given me at all. And I was fooling so many people! It became so easy for me to put on a front, although I am sure more of my true emotions were coming out than I was realizing.

One afternoon I was walking back to my dorm, reflecting on some situations that had happened in my life over the summer and the past semester that I had never recovered from. I came to the humble realization as I was walking that the reason I was still suffering from this was because I was bitter, not willing to forgive some people for things they had done. I pushed that realization aside as I came to my dorm and prepared to work on homework. As usual, I checked my Facebook quick before starting my homework, and saw a video that my friend and former teammate Will had made with his friend for a school project. It was called Trainwrecks, and here is the link to it on Vimeo:

http://vimeo.com/33381715

In summary, Will compares the human race to a train, and in sinning we have fallen off the tracks and have become a wreck. God is the only one strong enough to put us back on track and redeem us from our sin. As I watched the 5-minute video, my heart slowly broke, going from being bitter and hard to being soft and receiving of Will's message. The climax of the video for me was a quote that I will always remember, that says:

"We've all wrecked our trains. We are responsible for the messes that we're in, the relationships we've broken, the people that we refuse to forgive."

On the edge of tears, my heart melted to the message God was delivering! I knew I had become a horrible train wreck this semester, if not on the outside definitely on the inside. I was the only one responsible for the mess that was this semester; my sin was standing in the way of my willingness to forgive.

The quote continues:

"But God, because He is both loving and just, takes our blame, and our shame, and our guilt, and He takes us from a point of being dead, unable to move, and puts us back on the right track."

I begged God for the grace to keep moving. I begged Him to take away my guilt and to put me back on track. I begged Him to draw me close to Him once again.

When I was in high school, I shared some wisdom with a friend who was feeling far from God. I knew that wisdom had to be from God, because the next hour I had completely forgotten what I said and felt like I had nothing to offer her. A few months later, she told me that what I had said to her that day had changed her life, so I asked her what I had said! The wisdom that had bypassed my mind and gone directly into my mouth was this: You're not far from God. He's been following you the whole time; you just haven't looked back in a while. I reflected on this bit of wisdom in that moment. I felt so far from God, so out of His will and separated from Him. But my loving and just God saw me through the eyes of Christ, loving me not for what I did, but because of who He is.

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, there is no way I could do anything, much less do anything well, without the grace of God to constantly take me from "unable to move" to "back on the right track." This semester's successful moments only existed by God's grace, and this next semester's successes will only come from His grace as well. I pray that I will never again lose sight of that and become so self-absorbed that I miss the chance to thank Him for all the grace He gives in every moment. I hope to have more time to reflect and to share what God will do this semester. May my life be only by His grace and for His glory. May I have a love that only comes from Him.

Grace, grace, God's grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, grace, God's grace
Grace that is greater than all my sin